One More Thing with Pastor Tim Burchill 02.02.2026

One More Piece of Unsolicited Advice

     I had one too many examples yesterday.  Here’s the "Ask Pastor Tim" scenario that didn’t make the cut for Sunday’s sermon.

Dear Pastor Tim,

      I found out my partner has been seeing someone else on the side. They were not only cheating on me but were actively covering it up as well. They’re apologetic now, but my trust is shattered. Everyone tells me I’d be crazy to forgive them. I didn’t cause this. Why should I be the one to carry the weight?

     So many people today have been through something like this. (I sometimes wonder if we’re not in the middle of an epidemic of infidelity.) Not only do we empathize, but we understand that betrayal cuts deep, and forgiveness in this situation feels like self-betrayal.

Again, let’s consider some healthy advice first:

• You can set the perimeters on how you do or do not intend to move forward
• Forgiveness does not mean offering trust immediately
• You can forgive and still walk away from this particular relationship

And whatever you choose to do, you forgive.

     Not as a shortcut to healing—but as a refusal to let bitterness write the final chapter of your life.  Many couples have worked through infidelity and maintained or even strengthened their relationship, but the opportunity to do that takes a lot of counseling and depends on a variety of factors we don’t have time to go into this morning.

     The rule of thumb is this: the closer you are to someone the more damaging hurtful behavior or words will be.  When you are in love with someone and they with you—there is trust and commitment and vulnerability in ways that aren’t there for any other relationship.  For love to get the chance to grow deep and strong enough to endure, there has to be a lavish amount of patience, forgiveness and mercy.  Not less.  But more—lots more.  The higher the commitment, the greater the love, the more asking for forgiveness rises to the top.