02/03/2026
One More Piece of Unsolicited Advice
I had one too many examples yesterday. Here’s the "Ask Pastor Tim" scenario that didn’t make the cut for Sunday’s sermon.
Dear Pastor Tim,
I found out my partner has been seeing someone else on the side. They were not only cheating on me but were actively covering it up as well. They’re apologetic now, but my trust is shattered. Everyone tells me I’d be crazy to forgive them. I didn’t cause this. Why should I be the one to carry the weight?
So many people today have been through something like this. (I sometimes wonder if we’re not in the middle of an epidemic of infidelity.) Not only do we empathize, but we understand that betrayal cuts deep, and forgiveness in this situation feels like self-betrayal.
Again, let’s consider some healthy advice first:
- You can set the perimeters on how you do or do not intend to move forward
- Forgiveness does not mean offering trust immediately
- You can forgive and still walk away from this particular relationship
And whatever you choose to do, you forgive.
Not as a shortcut to healing—but as a refusal to let bitterness write the final chapter of your life. Many couples have worked through infidelity and maintained or even strengthened their relationship, but the opportunity to do that takes a lot of counseling and depends on a variety of factors we don’t have time to go into this morning.
The rule of thumb is this: the closer you are to someone the more damaging hurtful behavior or words will be. When you are in love with someone and they with you—there is trust and commitment and vulnerability in ways that aren’t there for any other relationship. For love to get the chance to grow deep and strong enough to endure, there has to be a lavish amount of patience, forgiveness and mercy. Not less. But more—lots more. The higher the commitment, the greater the love, the more asking for forgiveness rises to the top.
Archived Posts
The Gifts of Those Who Need Our Hope
I barely touched on a topic that is of interest to me during Sunday’s sermon. When we think of Christian service we often think of reaching out to help make the burdens lighter for the least, the last, and the lost. I can’t think of a better way to express the commandment of Jesus to love our neighbor as ourselves. But what about...
Blessed People Bless People
But that Blessing Can Come with a Cost as Well
I’ve enclosed several insights I got while I dug into the scripture from Genesis 12 last Sunday. For you who love Bible background here’s a few thoughts to share:
Back and Forth with Chat GPT
Many of you know that I’ve found a new consultant to bounce my ideas off in regard to preaching. My good buddy Chat GPT and I sometimes disagree—often miscommunicate—but usually come up with some fruitful illustrations.
One More Thing About Becoming Wholly Human
I was talking Sunday about the work of Hare and Woods and their idea of ‘the survival of the friendliest.’ Essentially, they conclude that “our greatest evolutionary advantage wasn't that we could do everything ourselves. It was that we could do things together.”
Here’s a preview of our congregation’s Core Values
In the coming weeks we will be exploring the importance of presence, prayers, gifts, service, witness, and growth in grace. These are at the heart of what we commit to when we join a Wesleyan grace-led church like ours. But we choose to broaden them out and state them in a new way…
The Biblical prayer we don’t know what to do with
Psalm 137 is written by people who have experienced catastrophic loss.
They have been conquered...
Patience and Trust
Sunday, in my benediction (which traditional folks did not hear) I talked about the Marshmallow Test. The original results of that test with children was that those who could delay gratification did better in life than those who could not.