08/26/2024
So Is People Pleasing Such a Bad Thing?
This is a fair question, based on Sunday’s sermon. Wanting to make others happy isn’t a bad thing in itself. It’s what it does to the one who is compelled to please—someone with a compulsion to win the approval of others. When my needs and wants don’t get attended to, then it also gives rise to resentment toward those I am trying to please. Making your happiness my responsibility is a self-destructive tendency with leads to all kinds of “stinking thinking.” You are responsible for your happiness. I can add to it, but it is not my responsibility.
For instance, an approval addict or a people pleaser would expect--in return from their sacrifices--a series of shoulds. ‘If I act this way, then they should act this other way in return.’ Because a people pleaser has no control over how other people respond to them, they may end up living in a constant state of anxiety and disappointment when those ‘shoulds’ go unfulfilled.
Let me give you some examples:
- Because I work so hard on behalf of others they should appreciate, approve, and like me.
- Because I have been so nice and kind to them, Others should be kind and caring toward me
- Because I would go to any length to avoid anger, conflict, or confrontation with them, other people should never be angry with me.
That’s all well and good, but these are not expectations that are shared by everyone. When I do my bit and you don’t do yours—at least in my mind—then I’m going to seethe with anger and bitterness.
God wants us to please him—to live in reciprocity with our family members, brothers and sisters in Christ, friends and neighbors. To trust that with Christ all things are possible: living for ourselves as we look to the needs of others.
Archived Posts
What’s Saved Is Often Lost
Here’s the benediction we didn’t have time for yesterday (Sunday, November 3). It’s one of my favorite quotations (portions of a newspaper column). I hope you find it as inspiring as I have
Leftovers Continued…
It’s not just the fact that God is un-impressed by our leftovers, it actually goes deeper than that. In a sense, Jesus is passionately and purposely opposed to anything leftover. To be a follower of Jesus Christ is to work diligently to make sure that in the end nothing at all is left over.
Less Stuff and Fewer Wants
Here’s a point I left off Sunday’s sermon due to time and length. In dealing with an Entitled mindset it is very helpful if you can Reduce Materialism and Consumerism.
Entitlement Can Hit You in Ways You Might Never Suspect
The people of God (Israel) were chosen by God to fulfill a unique calling—to be a light to all the other nations of the nations of the world. God chose them because of their willingness to be used by Him for His purposes. But after a while the Israelites began to think that they were chosen--not because with God they could fulfill a special purpose--but because they were a special people, uniquely favored and loved for who they were.
What Kind of Love Do You Have For God?
In Sunday’s message about Job, I talked about how important relationship is when it comes to getting answers to our questions about God. The question that Job is really being tested on is this: can he love God for who God is—or does he only love God for what God can do for him?
The Importance of A Noise Cancelling Lifestyle
While hiding in a cave on the mountain the word of God asks Elijah, ‘What are you doing here?’ Elijah proceeds to launch into a rather whiney rant along the lines of “No one likes me, Everybody hates me, and all my hard work and sacrifice on your behalf, Lord, has fallen on deaf ears.”
And here’s what most people miss about this story:
So Is People Pleasing Such a Bad Thing?
This is a fair question, based on Sunday’s sermon. Wanting to make others happy isn’t a bad thing in itself. It’s what it does to the one who is compelled to please—someone with a compulsion to win the approval of others.