08/26/2024
So Is People Pleasing Such a Bad Thing?
This is a fair question, based on Sunday’s sermon. Wanting to make others happy isn’t a bad thing in itself. It’s what it does to the one who is compelled to please—someone with a compulsion to win the approval of others. When my needs and wants don’t get attended to, then it also gives rise to resentment toward those I am trying to please. Making your happiness my responsibility is a self-destructive tendency with leads to all kinds of “stinking thinking.” You are responsible for your happiness. I can add to it, but it is not my responsibility.
For instance, an approval addict or a people pleaser would expect--in return from their sacrifices--a series of shoulds. ‘If I act this way, then they should act this other way in return.’ Because a people pleaser has no control over how other people respond to them, they may end up living in a constant state of anxiety and disappointment when those ‘shoulds’ go unfulfilled.
Let me give you some examples:
- Because I work so hard on behalf of others they should appreciate, approve, and like me.
- Because I have been so nice and kind to them, Others should be kind and caring toward me
- Because I would go to any length to avoid anger, conflict, or confrontation with them, other people should never be angry with me.
That’s all well and good, but these are not expectations that are shared by everyone. When I do my bit and you don’t do yours—at least in my mind—then I’m going to seethe with anger and bitterness.
God wants us to please him—to live in reciprocity with our family members, brothers and sisters in Christ, friends and neighbors. To trust that with Christ all things are possible: living for ourselves as we look to the needs of others.
Archived Posts
One More Piece of Unsolicited Advice
I had one too many examples yesterday. Here’s the "Ask Pastor Tim" scenario that didn’t make the cut for Sunday’s sermon: (read more)
Not If, But When, the Crisis Comes
One of the best Bible commentators alive today is N.T. Wright or Tom Wright. When reflecting on the parable of the wise and foolish maidens, he wrote this:...
What I wanted to say
but ran out of time this Sunday
Here is the benediction I was going to use before discovering the excellent MLK Jr. video.
The Storm that Comes To Us as Helplessness
I want to share with you a small portion of my conversation with Artificial Intelligence online. Some of you know, I use Chat-GPT as a thoughtful sounding board for the questions and insights I’m working with on whatever scriptures I’m studying each week. What follows is an example of those discussions...
One Final Scene About Scrooge
There was one more scene in Dickens’s novel that reveals something of what has happened to Scrooge over the years. I did not have time to share it on Sunday, but I believe it reveals a great deal about the regrets in Scrooge’s life....
What Jacob Marley Would Do,
If He Could Do It…
I thought about using the following for a benediction—since Jacob Marley was warning Scrooge about the danger of loving money and what it could buy. Ends up with the Cantata and everything else going on, I didn’t have the time. So here is what you might have heard if the sermon itself was 5 minutes shorter!
A Confirming Word on Old King Herod
I just want to echo what Rick said in his fine sermon yesterday (Nov. 23). Herod was a ruthless tyrant and skilled politician. When the Magi don’t report back to him, he decides to kill all the male children of Bethlehem under the age of 2. That’s one paranoid dude.