08/26/2024
So Is People Pleasing Such a Bad Thing?
This is a fair question, based on Sunday’s sermon. Wanting to make others happy isn’t a bad thing in itself. It’s what it does to the one who is compelled to please—someone with a compulsion to win the approval of others. When my needs and wants don’t get attended to, then it also gives rise to resentment toward those I am trying to please. Making your happiness my responsibility is a self-destructive tendency with leads to all kinds of “stinking thinking.” You are responsible for your happiness. I can add to it, but it is not my responsibility.
For instance, an approval addict or a people pleaser would expect--in return from their sacrifices--a series of shoulds. ‘If I act this way, then they should act this other way in return.’ Because a people pleaser has no control over how other people respond to them, they may end up living in a constant state of anxiety and disappointment when those ‘shoulds’ go unfulfilled.
Let me give you some examples:
- Because I work so hard on behalf of others they should appreciate, approve, and like me.
- Because I have been so nice and kind to them, Others should be kind and caring toward me
- Because I would go to any length to avoid anger, conflict, or confrontation with them, other people should never be angry with me.
That’s all well and good, but these are not expectations that are shared by everyone. When I do my bit and you don’t do yours—at least in my mind—then I’m going to seethe with anger and bitterness.
God wants us to please him—to live in reciprocity with our family members, brothers and sisters in Christ, friends and neighbors. To trust that with Christ all things are possible: living for ourselves as we look to the needs of others.
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