08/26/2024
So Is People Pleasing Such a Bad Thing?
This is a fair question, based on Sunday’s sermon. Wanting to make others happy isn’t a bad thing in itself. It’s what it does to the one who is compelled to please—someone with a compulsion to win the approval of others. When my needs and wants don’t get attended to, then it also gives rise to resentment toward those I am trying to please. Making your happiness my responsibility is a self-destructive tendency with leads to all kinds of “stinking thinking.” You are responsible for your happiness. I can add to it, but it is not my responsibility.
For instance, an approval addict or a people pleaser would expect--in return from their sacrifices--a series of shoulds. ‘If I act this way, then they should act this other way in return.’ Because a people pleaser has no control over how other people respond to them, they may end up living in a constant state of anxiety and disappointment when those ‘shoulds’ go unfulfilled.
Let me give you some examples:
- Because I work so hard on behalf of others they should appreciate, approve, and like me.
- Because I have been so nice and kind to them, Others should be kind and caring toward me
- Because I would go to any length to avoid anger, conflict, or confrontation with them, other people should never be angry with me.
That’s all well and good, but these are not expectations that are shared by everyone. When I do my bit and you don’t do yours—at least in my mind—then I’m going to seethe with anger and bitterness.
God wants us to please him—to live in reciprocity with our family members, brothers and sisters in Christ, friends and neighbors. To trust that with Christ all things are possible: living for ourselves as we look to the needs of others.
Archived Posts
What Jessica Really Meant to Say in Her Sermon…
When Jessica or Rick or a guest preacher takes the pulpit it’s hard for me to write a One More Thing Blog. I can’t share with you what didn’t make it into the sermon because I have no idea, not having written or delivered it.
Jesus Keeps On Ruining Funerals!
I didn’t have anything this last week that didn’t end up in the sermon. No catchy illustrations that didn’t make the cut. No theological insights that slowed down the main point. No one can ruin a funeral like Jesus. Told as I saw it and that was it. So I did some quick research and I thought I’d share just a reminder of what Easter is all about.
When I Don’t Get To Give My Benediction
Yesterday’s sermon talked about how we are in the thrall of self-centeredness—caught in a system that rewards those who climb to the top, even when you have to climb on the back of others. I talked about a famous sermon by Dr. Martin Luther King, ....
Some Good Quotes that I Didn’t Get To Last Sunday
I have been working out of Adam Hamilton’s excellent book, Why Did Jesus Have to Die? And when I find something that says what I want to say more succinctly and expressively than I can, I like to quote it...
Good Stuff that Didn’t Make the Cut
I liked what I’d put together below, but ran out of time to share in Sunday’s sermon. Remember we were talking about the Old Adam and the New Adam, Jesus.
One More Piece of Unsolicited Advice
I had one too many examples yesterday. Here’s the "Ask Pastor Tim" scenario that didn’t make the cut for Sunday’s sermon: (read more)
Not If, But When, the Crisis Comes
One of the best Bible commentators alive today is N.T. Wright or Tom Wright. When reflecting on the parable of the wise and foolish maidens, he wrote this:...